Learning to Be Seen Even When It’s Uncomfortable

I have never been comfortable having my photo taken.

I’m shy by nature. I’m self-conscious in ways that don’t always make sense, even to me. I’ve spent most of my life avoiding cameras, standing just out of frame, or offering to be the one who takes the photo instead. It’s easier that way. Safer.

If you’ve noticed that there haven’t been any photos of me on this blog until now, that’s why.

Not because I didn’t want to show up here, but because I didn’t believe there was a version of me that was “good enough” to be seen.

Booking a professional portrait photographer and makeup session felt like a very big step. Scary and uncomfortable. It brought up all the familiar thoughts: I’m not photogenic. I don’t know how to pose. I’ll feel awkward. I won’t recognise myself.

Challenges with finding a makeup artist close to home with images on social media that looked understated and elegant almost caused me to almost give me. Luckily for me, the photographer and my partner were cheering me on to not give up.

And underneath all of that, a quieter fear: What if being seen confirms everything I already worry about?

For a long time, I told myself I’d do it later. When I felt more confident. When I looked a bit different. When I had it all figured out.

But later has a way of stretching on indefinitely.

Eventually, I realised this wasn’t about photos at all. It was about visibility. About letting myself exist in my own work, instead of hiding behind words alone.

So I decided to do it. Not as a transformation, not as a “reinvention,” but simply to create a record of how I look now and to see myself from the outside.

The day itself was quieter than I expected.

Sitting in the makeup chair felt relaxed. It felt like all the effort was over, now it was time to enjoy the morning. There’s something intimate about being looked at closely, about having someone care for your face with gentleness and attention. Chatting to a gorgeous daschaund who decided to sit on my lap was the icing on the cake. So, wrapped in towels so muddy paw prints didn’t soil my clothes, we got started.

The photography session wasn’t about striking poses or becoming someone else. It was about presence. About fun and relaxation. About being guided without being forced. I didn’t have to perform. I didn’t have to smile if it didn’t feel real. My favourite photo is a ‘serious’ face. I didn’t have to be anything other than myself.

Seeing the photos, alone and with my thoughts was ‘Oooo, OK’, ‘I like that one,’ and ‘Maybe not that one.’

Instead of seeing everything I usually criticise, I saw softness. I saw steadiness. I saw someone who looked thoughtful, gentle, and quietly strong. Not perfect. Not polished beyond recognition. Just… real.

I still don’t love having my photo taken. That hasn’t magically changed. I’m still shy. I still feel awkward at times. And I still have moments where I’d rather disappear into the background.

But something shifted.

I no longer feel like I have to earn the right to be visible. I don’t have to wait until I’m braver, louder, or more confident to take up space. I can do it gently. Imperfectly. On my own terms.

Sharing these photos here feels vulnerable, but also honest. This space has always been about reflection, self-permission, and choosing a softer way forward. It didn’t feel right anymore to keep myself completely hidden from it.

If you’re someone who avoids photos, who feels self-conscious, or who believes you need to be “ready” before you show up, please know you’re not alone. And there’s no obligation to do anything before you’re ready.

But if you ever feel a quiet nudge to let yourself be seen, even just a little, I hope you know this: you don’t have to change who you are to deserve it.

Sometimes, being seen isn’t about confidence at all.

Sometimes, it’s simply about allowing yourself to exist — kindly, honestly, and without apology.

Sometimes, it requires the support of others, and this was the situation for me. ‘My’ (yes, I am claiming her as my own) photographer Hannah, who creates art with her camera, was patiently encouraging and I felt very relaxed with her. She is fabulous.

I was also blessed to find Sam, owner of Lune Studio to do my first ever professional makeup. She understood my lack of experience and minimal use of makeup and I was very happy and felt comfortable with the face she created.

Portrait photography by Hannah Photography

Cover image by http://www.unsplash.com